﻿Create the condition you desire	- The Diggers	
You can count the seeds in an apple but you can't count the apples in a seed - Ken Kesey	
Pay not attention to the man behind the curtain	- The Wizard of Oz	
It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information - Oscar Wilde	
The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and simple - Oscar Wilde	
They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts. - Michael Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage.	
Time is an illusion, lunch time doubley so - Douglas Adams	
Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself. - Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open.	
Stand back, we're on a mission from God - The Blues Brothers	
Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets. - Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports.	
When 900 years old you reach, look as good you will not. - Yoda	
Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a hard on now. - Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World Superbike racing.	
My mind is going. I can feel it, Dave - HAL 9000 - 2001: Space Odyssey
She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night. - Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning.	
Irritating?....ahhh yes, one of your Earth emotions. - Spock - Star Trek
Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees. - Winning Post's Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable lead.	
You're right, no human being would stack books like this - Ghostbusters	
Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg. - Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond.	
Baldrick, if I wanted to talk to a vegetable, I would have bought one - Edmund Blackadder	
Notices are appearing at courses telling golfers not to lick their balls on the green. - Commentator Richie Benaud observed During the 1989 British Masters golf tournament.	
Opinions expressed here do not necessarily reflect those of my wife. - Seahorse	
With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off. - Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe.	
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana - Groucho Marx	
There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this. - Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North.	
And, regrettably, your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition - Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz of the Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council	
What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello? - James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix.	
Never eat more than you can lift - Miss Piggy	
Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69. - Steve Ryder covering the US Masters.	
Remember, a Turkey is for Christmas, not for life...
My word, he said. Look at that magnificent erection. - The new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breathaway.	
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity - Einstein	
They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions. - Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race.	
What else floats? Bread! Apples! Very small rocks! - MP&THG	
There's something big growing between my legs. - Steve Leonard, told Trude, talking about vegetation on Vets In The Wild.	
A child can ask questions that a wise man cannot answer - Anon	
You'd eat beaver if you could get it. - Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live.	
You Klingon sons, you've killed my bastard... no, wait... - Capt Kirk	
So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night? - A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and and posed this question.	
There are many ways to die in bed, the best way is not alone - George Burns	
One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them .... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?! - US PGA Commentator.	
Patriotism is not dying for your country, it's making the other bastard die for his. - Gen George Patton	
Too many people think they have an open mind when it's just vacant - Anon	
Nestor of Gerenia, the exceedingly rich in horses, answered, My child, I can tell you the whole truth of it. - The Odyssey - Homer	
Every day we make it, we'll make it the best we can - Jack Daniels	
Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?		
Immature humorists borrow, mature humorists steal - Mark Twain	
I'm not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens - Woody Allen	
How many Zen Masters does it take to change a light bulb? - Answer tomorrow	
Sleep is a tactic to travel through time without injury. - Thomas Wehn	
'Repent, Harlequin!' Said the Ticktock Man.  'Bollocks!' replied the Harlequin - Harlan Ellison	
Have you had enough Nazi,or do you want some more! - Rick (Young Ones)	
'Shit', said the king, and a thousand loyal subjects strained... - Apprentice	
24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?		
The c in rap is silent.	
There is no sincerer love than the love of food. - George Bernard Shaw	
I am not young enough to know everything. - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)	
What's another word for thesaurus? - S.W.	
Do not take life too seriously, you will never get out of it alive.		
I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that. - HAL 9000 - 2001 A Space Odessey
You don't believe him and you can't explain it? - James T Kirk	
The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am. - Darth Vader	
Give me a Ping Vasily, 1 Ping only. - Capt Marko Ramius - The Hunt for Red October
The staff officer should always seek to get completely into the mind of his commander.  Normally there is plenty of room. - Anonymous	
Verify range to target, 1 Ping only. - Capt Marko Ramius	
Fools learn from experience, I prefer to learn from others. - Otto Von Bismark	
Against stupidity, even the Gods themselves struggle in vain. - Goethe	
Good judgement comes from experience.  Unfortunately, the experience comes from bad judgement. - Anonymous	
The wings of man's life are plumed with feathers of death. - Sir Francis Drake	
The best morale exists when you never hear the word mentioned. When you hear a lot of talk about it, its usually lousy. - Dwight Eisenhower	
It was the best day of my life.  Ever. - Patrick Smash	
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.		
It was the worst day of my life.  Ever. - Patrick Smash	
The aim of war is to be able to live unhurt in peace. - Cicero, De Officiis 78BC	
Life is too short to drink cheap beer. - Warsteiner	
Of this I am quite sure, that if we open a quarrel between the past & the present, we shall find we have lost the future. - Winston Churchill	
Be afraid.  Be kind of afraid - Scooby Doo (2002)	
Keep fear to yourself but share your courage. - Robert Louis Stevenson 1850-1894	
Part man. Part machine.  All cop.  The future of law enforcement. - Robocop (1987)	
Winning is the only important thing; and by winning, what you do becomes the right thing. - Machiavelli, Il Principe	
From the brother of the director of Ghost. - The Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear (1991)	
There are no American infidels in Baghdad. Never. - Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf	
Crime is the disease. Meet the Cure. - Cobra (1986)	
Size matters. Just ask the hundreds Goliath killed before David! - Lildemon	
Nice planet.  We'll take it. - Mars Attacks! (1996)	
Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. - John Wooden	
Family isn't a word.  It's a sentence. - The Royal Tenebaums (2002)	
The wise man does at once what the fool does finally. - Baltasar Gracian	
Man is the warmest place to hide. - The Thing (1982)	
I hear and I forget, I see and I remember. I do and I understand. - Chinese Proverb	
...He's come to town - with a few days to kill. - Predator 2 (1990)	
Sooner or later, those who win are those who think they can. - Richard Bach	
Protecting the Earth from the scum of the universe. - Men in Black (1997)	
The man who is late robs time from another.		
Earth.  It was fun while it lasted. - Armageddon (1998)	
I like the English. They have the most rigid code of immorality in the world. - Malcolm Bradbury 1932 - Eating People is Wrong, Ch. 5	
Utinam populus Romanus unam cervicem haberet!  I wish the Roman people had only one neck! - Caligula 12-41	
I believe it is peace for our time . . . peace with honour. - Neville Chamberlain 1869-1940 - Speech after Munich Agreement, 30 Sept 1939	
It [the Cheshire Cat] vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone. - Alice in Wonderland, Ch. 6	
She gave me a smile I could feel in my hip pocket. - Raymond Chandler 1888-1959	
I speak Spanish to God, Italian to women, French to men, and German to my horse. - King Charles V 1500-1558	
What General Weygand called the 'Battle of France' is over. I expect the Battle of Britain is about to begin... - Winston Churchill 1874-1965	
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. - Noel Coward (1899 - 1973)	
It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations - Winston Churchill 1874-1965 (about himself)	
Your future is being decided by 12 people too stupid to get out of Jury Service. - Graphitti on the wall of the Old Bailey's Prisoner Toilets.	
We should have the art [of making atomic bombs] rather than the article [the bombs themselves]. - Winston Churchill 1874-1965 [Secret memo to Lord Cherwell, Nov. 1951]	
There was no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse. - Quentin Crisp
Dexter Morgan: [thinking] Tonight's the night. 
Remember Alcohol makes you think you are more interesting and attractive than you actually are.		
Oxford are ahead.  No, Cambridge are ahead.  I don't know who's ahead - but it's either Oxford or Cambridge. - John Snagge commentating on the boat race in 1954 when the competitors were enveloped in fog.	
Talk is based on the assumption that you can get somewhere if you keep putting one word after another. - Iblis Ginjo, notes in the margin of a stolen notebook. - Butlerian Jihad.
Knowledge is knowing Tomato is a fruit.  Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. - Universal Truth	
It is better to receive than give, unless you are in prison. - Universal Truth	
Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons. - General MacArthur	
Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ... I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing. - At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan	
If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter - and therefore, unsafe.	
Basic Flying Rules: Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.		
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers. - Thomas Watson (1874-1956), Chairman of IBM, 1943	
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt. - Bertrand Russell	
Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation. - Henry A. Kissinger	
They say hard work never hurt anybody, but, I figure, why take the chance? - Ronald Reagan	
My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes. - Ronald Regan	
Long ago I had learned that in conversation with an irate senior, a junior should confine himself to three remarks, 'Yes Sir', 'No Sir', and 'Sorry Sir'.  Repeated in the proper sequence, they will get him through the most difficult interview with the minimum discomfort. - William Joseph, Viscount Slim 1891 -1970	
That's a pretty statue - it's such a pleasure to be here and to be back out of the darkness. Thanks to Marisa Tomei for putting up with me. She's a hell of a talent - it was very brave of her to take her clothes off all the time and I enjoyed looking at her. - Mickey Rourke accepts his best actor Bafta for The Wrestler.	
Only men who are not interested in women are interested in women's clothes. Men who like women never notice what they wear. - Anatole France	
I don't care to belong to any club that will accept me as a member. - Groucho Marx	
Who, being loved, is poor? - Oscar Wilde	
You already possess everything necessary to become great.  - Native American (Crow) Proverb	
A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer. - Robert Frost	
Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. - Judy Garland	
I always turn to the sports pages first, which records people's accomplishments.The front page has nothing but man's failures. - Earl Warren	
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. - Antoine de Saint Exupry
Unfortunately, when I got myself in a good car, I had Sebastian as a teammate. Jenson didn't have that at Brawn; he had Rubens - Mark Webber does nothing to enhance his friendship with Rubens Barrichello, or the worth of Jenson Button's world title September 8, 2011
I am the Emperor, and I want dumplings. - Ferdinand I, Emperor of Austria
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting. - Gloria Leonard
I have dreamt of this moment since I was 43 years old - Noel Gallagher, aged 44, on being awarded the NME's godlike genius award
Nothing can take the sting out of the world's economic problems like watching millionaires present each other with golden statues - Academy Award host Billy Crystal gets right down to the nitty gritty form the offset
I am Ernst Stavro Blofeld. They told me you were assassinated in Hong Kong. James Bond: Yes, this is my second life. Blofeld: You only live twice, Mr. Bond.
It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends. - Dumbledore, Harry Potter
I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest... Honestly, it's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly...stupid.  - Captain Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean)
I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse. - Vito Corleone (The Godfather)
I can't see through walls. But I can kick your ass. - Kick Ass
Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently. - Henry Ford
Be as smart as you can, but remember that it is always better to be wise than to be smart. - Alan Alda
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. - Oscar Wilde
Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes. - Oscar Wilde
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. - Oscar Wilde
A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction. - Oscar Wilde 